If Just For a Little While
by neverbflat
Summary: Sirius reacts to his brother's death. m/m Sirius B./Remus L.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters seen in the fic. JK Rowling owns all the recognizable characters.

Warnings: Sirius reacts to his brother's death. Wolfstar m/m (Remus/Sirius), nothing graphic. If that's not your thing, no need to flame, just don't read. Thanks.

AN: Please review. I know my grammar can be a bit sketchy at time (what with all the commas and quotes) so just correct me (politely) in the comments.

James was the one who told him, told him about his brother's death. It was late one evening and Sirius was lounging about with Remus in the living room of their shared flat. They were expecting James, so it wasn't a surprise when he showed up.

Sirius at this point had gotten up and went to the kitchen to top off his third glass of firewhiskey. He heard muffled voices through the wall of the kitchen.

_Prongs has finally decided to show up_, thought Sirius. He grabbed a second glass and filled that one with firewhiskey until the liquid threatened to slosh over the edge.

Sirius came back through to the living room and greeted James, "Hey Prongsy. What took you so long? Evans keeping you busy?" he asked with a wink. James didn't answer. He looked somewhat troubled, an anxious expression marring his features. Sirius was confused, "Has something happened with Lily? She pissed you're ditching her for us again?"

"No," he answered quietly. He looked to Remus whose gaze was intently focused on the floorboards.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, "You're starting to make me nervous," he said with a sip of firewhisky. James said nothing. He looked decidedly nervous himself.

"Moony, what's happened?" he asked, turning to Remus. Remus looked up to return his gaze. His mouth opened for a moment, seeming as if he was about to answer, before his mouth snapped back shut. Sirius scoffed. "For Merlin's sake, will someone just tell me what the bloody hell happened?"

Remus looked to James. They seemed to be having a silent conversation between themselves. Finally James nodded slightly and turned to Sirius.

"Something has happened", James said hesitantly.

"Well, obviously! But what?" Sirius spat.

"It's . . It's about Regulus."

"Regulus? What about the slimy bastard? Finally got himself killed, has he?" laughed Sirius. There was a horribly long pause. No one said a word. "James?" Sirius asked.

"Yes", answered James quietly, so quietly it was nearly a whisper .

"Yes, what?" Sirius asked, trepidation dripping into the pit of his stomach.

"Yes. Regulus has gotten himself killed."

Sirius carefully set the two glasses of firewhiskey on the side table next to the sofa. "What?" he asked quietly. "You're having me on, surely", said Sirius.

"No. The Order has just informed me of his death. Look.. I'm sorry Padfoot." James said softly. Sirius looked at James for a long while. He stared into his best friend's warm, hazel eyes. He found no mirth in his James' gaze. It was true. He felt dread seep through into his core.

"What.. what happened?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Not sure. No one knows. Not even _their _side knows. Apparently he just. . disappeared."

"Disappeared?" he spat. "No one has a _clue _where he went he just '_disappeared'_? When?"

"They don't have an exact date."

Sirius felt rage surge through him, he picked up his glass of firewiskey and threw it at the wall opposite him. Its shattered pieces fell to the ground. "_HOW _could he go and get himself _killed?"_ he shouted. "How could he do this?!"

"Sirius, please calm down."

"Don't you _dare _tell me to calm down? You know, I always knew the narcissistic _git _would end up dying because of his own cowardice! God Dammit, Reg!" he shouted before picking up the second glass of whiskey and sending it to the same fate as the first. He momentarily surveyed the mess he'd made and stalked toward his bedroom. Remus followed him.

"No, Moony, don't follow me", he said. Remus opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Sirius slammed the door closed in his face. He took out his wand and cast a hasty locking and silencing charm and then proceeded to tear his own room apart. He started by casting an unsteady _reducto _at every available item that came into his line of sight. When that wasn't enough for him, he set aside his wand and tore into his possessions with his bare hands, all the while shouting about how stupid and careless and stupid and cowardly and stupid and daft and STUPID his brother was for getting himself killed. "How could you Reg? How could you?!" he shouted.

It felt like it lasted for hours and as his ability to cause destruction wore, his shouts turned in sobs and eventually into wails, until Sirius was sat in the middle of his now destroyed bedroom _begging _for Regulus to come back. To not be dead. To not be gone forever.

He loved his brother. Oh Merlin, how he loved his brother. Sure, he'd never admit it to anyone and no, he wasn't particularly proud of his brother's decision to become a death eater, but he did love him. He remembered how close they were before either of them had gone to Hogwarts, before Sirius was sorted into the "wrong house", as his parents had called it. Fuck. He was just a kid. He was eighteen for fuck sake. He couldn't be gone. Not yet. Sirius started to sob harder. The pain was overwhelming. It felt like his heart was being split in two. "Ow, ow, ow.." he wailed as he grabbed at his chest, attempting to quell the pain. "Fu-fuck!" he cried.

All the while, Remus and James sat in the living room, listening to the tortured sobs of their best friend that Sirius' silencing charm was not strong enough to conceal.

When the sobs finally died down, Remus and James started towards Sirius' bedroom. After they broke through Sirius' feeble-in-his-haste locking charm, entered the room and took in the scenery, they both went and sat down next to Sirius who was kneeling on the ground, his hands covering his face.

"Padfoot?" James asked. No response. "Padfoot?" he tried again. Nothing. James looked at Remus.

"Sirius," Remus said softly, removing Sirius' hands from his face, "look at me."

Sirius did. His face was red and swollen, tear tracks staining his cheeks. "Moony" Sirius breathed.

James watched them a moment. He patted Sirius' back softly and stood up. Sirius needed Remus right now. Not him. _'Floo call me later', _he mouthed to Remus. Remus nodded and James slipped out the door.

"_Moony,_" Sirius repeated. Remus looked at him and gently tilted his chin towards him with his finger tips and lightly pressed Sirius' lips to his own. He kneaded Sirius' lips softly in, what he hoped, was a comforting way.

Sirius drew his hands up to Remus' shoulders and clutched at them, never wanting to let go. Sirius swiped his tongue against Remus' bottom lip, silently asking for permission to be let in. Remus broke away softly.

"Sirius," he said warningly, "you're not in the right state" Remus said softly stroking Sirius' cheek.

"_Pl-Please_," Sirius whispered brokenly against Remus' lips, "please."

Remus, regarding him warily for a moment, moved back in to caress Sirius' lips with his own. A moment later Sirius again requested permission to be let in and Remus granted it, hoping that he could distract Sirius and help him forget, if just for a little while.


End file.
